How Mind Mapping Can Transform Your Relationships

It feels so hard to connect with others. This is a conversation that I frequently have in my local coffee shop with other community members. It is one of the few places where I get to talk to strangers who come in for a cup of coffee and enjoy the comfort of conversation while drinking a nice, warm cup of coffee.

Now, with all the technological advances, it feels even harder to connect. Even the term social media has little to do with being social. In fact, in some cases, it appears that it contributes to more disconnection.

Social connection is at the heart of wellness, yet somehow we have lost our way. Learning to be relational is central to connecting with others and building a supportive community.

But it is also crucial for our romantic relationships. Esther Perel, the Belgian-born psychotherapist, talks about how we place all types of expectations on our romantic relationships; we expect them to be everything. It only makes sense in the absence of community. Building relationships is not only crucial, but it is also very important for the health of our romantic partnerships.

This is a skill I have spent years learning and mastering as I create my own supportive community in Chicago.

This is why I am writing this post today. I have been thinking about the different ways we can be more prosocial, as well as create spaces where we can make more friends out of strangers. I see a lot of value in connecting with strangers and transforming those relationships from strangers to friends.

One concept that comes to mind is the ability to read what is in the room.

When you enter a room of people, you are likely trying to read who is there: what are they thinking, what are they feeling, etc. What you are doing is mind mapping. It is your innate ability to predict and read people. The wisdom of being able to read others is a skill that allows you to show up in a way that is more aligned with your own values.

The ability to read is neutral, but we can use that ability in a prosocial way or an antisocial way.

For example, you enter a room and see somebody who seems nervous or awkward. You might think they feel uncomfortable in that space or that they feel excluded. It is the ability to look at them and try to see what is happening for them. It is a form of perspective-taking. Now you can offer them company or introduce them to someone else in the room.

How you mind map others' impacts your relationships and can transform them.

While mind mapping is very useful, the other side of it is perspective flexibility toward your mind map. It is possible that you perceive someone as anxious or uncomfortable when they may actually be feeling sick, or that is simply their facial expression, and they are quiet. Flexibility offers a better way of managing how you show up while you can use mind mapping in a prosocial way. 

So here is the invite: Try mind mapping and use it in a prosocial way. Perhaps you go to a coffee shop or a restaurant. You see someone and think, this person seems friendly and welcoming. So you walk toward them and make a friendly comment. Maybe a conversation ensues, or maybe not. Keep trying and see what happens.

Try it in your own relationships. When giving a gift, map what your friend may like and give them something thoughtful based on that. It can lights somebody’s day!